Finally, Some Good News

Proving that you can’t be liberal, fair, and balanced all at the same, Truth Prophet Matt Drudge is reporting that filthy democrat operative Alan Colmes is getting thrown off his soap box by Fox News Channel. Details filtering in to the Freedom Brothers command center are still sketchy; it isn’t completely clear whether the camel’s spine disintegrated beneath one of Colmes’ most recent lies, or if he simply tired of serving as Sean Hannity’s punching bag after one and a fifth decades. Regardless of the cause, the effect is clear: Americans will no longer have to subject themselves to the pencil-necked twerp’s slander after every long, hard-working day at the construction site, or The Firehouse, or Iraq.

In an interview with the democrat mouthpiece Associated Press, Colmes said, "We have a Democratic House, Senate and [an Islamic] president. My work is done." The Grizz hopes that this is the truth. Now his favorite station, Fox News, can finally call itself an objective media outlet.

Sean Hannity has not yet issued a statement regarding the demise of his unworthy adversary’s career, but he’s clearly earned his fair share of entertainment while pounding Colmes into submission over and over and over again for the last twelve years. He’ll simply need to move on to the next socialist. For Colmes, it won’t be that easy; there’s a better than good chance that he’ll be drinking sewer water to quench his hangover thirst by this time next week.

The Freedom Brothers would like to wish Alan Colmes all the worst. May his future endeavors be filled with dying dreams, lost opportunities and misfortune in general.

Freedom. God. Family.

On Friday, after the yearly initial sense of euphoria, Freedom Eagle will settle down and grasp what July 4th truly means to him.

My son, the pride of my life, hangs our American flag outside each and every morning. Though only 10 years old, he already aspires to join the Marines when he is legally able and would never subject himself to the sludged liberal halls of an American university full of new dealers. Calvin came up to me this afternoon, and he asked: “Why do some people not celebrate the Fourth, Dad?”

“Because, son,” I said, “they’re brats, traitors, and treasonous. They hate America and all She stands for.”

“Shame on them,” he said.

Shame.

This is what liberals stand for: Change from the good, false hope, and shame. They are ashamed of their Country. The country that has provided them with the freedom to hate it so. The Freedom to love whom they will (could they feel love) and the freedom to vote for Future President McCain (who, on January 20th, 2009, will follow in the footsteps of the Mighty George W. Bush.)

The Freedom to get their news from MTV and Comedy Central, which they take for credible.

This July 4th, with our brave troops overseas, with our warrior president sitting in the White House, praying for their safe return, Freedom Eagle, unfortunately, will feel at least some sense of shame. I am ashamed to share the same ground with the liberal movement who hate America and believe George Bush blew up the twin towers with a remote control joystick and actually planted bombs on the 70th floor the night before. I am ashamed of the cowardly Paultards and their brethren. The ones who call themselves conservatives when they are really just vegetable-sucking psychopaths fantasizing about cupping Ron Paul’s testes.

I will eat my medium-grilled burgers this July 4. I will throw a ball with my son. I will listen to American hero Tim McGraw shred some good old country music and Tom Petty’s American hit “American Girl.” I will close my eyes and dream of the skin melting off cowardly Viet Cong “soldiers” as John McCain napalms their terrorist-inflated villages and I’ll imagine the liberal socialist Adolf Hitler sucking down a bullet while listening to his army getting bulldozed 50 feet above his own demise.

I will think of Saddam Hussein, a Hitlerian figure, heroically hung by Free Iraqis in the name of honor and justice and Freedom.

Freedom and Honor.

B. Hussein, a future nominated loser, will awake to a terrible reality on November 5th. And while he cries, wiping his tears with the Koran he took his oath of office on, he will look up at the American flag and scream at Old Glory: “I hate you.”