Bashar Assad Finally Gets It Right

Bashar Assad, squishy-faced president of Syria - the America of Evil - finally blurted out a truthful statement about Israel in between high-fives with other Terrorist Sponsors at today's Arab Summit in Damascus. "Jerusalem has rejected every peace initiative over the last 30 years... [The bastion of modernity, prosperity, equality and morality surrounded by destitute, uneducated masses operating with a Before Christ worldview] is exploiting the internal Palestinian divisions for its own benefit," he sniffled.

He's damn right it is.

Since its scorched-earth campaign and triumph over Arab aggressors in 1967, Israel has justifiably taken advantage of every one of its Enemies' weaknesses - lack of cohesion, lack of benevolent sponsors (such as The United States of America), and simple lack of intelligence. There is no reason that Israelis shouldn't be dancing the hora in the streets every time an Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade revolutionary turns a Hamas suicide bomber into ground pork before he can get shot while trying to cross the Security Wall. That bullet would have cost Israel a fraction of an agorot - a virtually infinite sum when compared to the completely unvalued life it has been dispatched to take.

Unfortunately, a large number of fellow Islamic Extremists weren't on premisis to witness Assad break the Truth barrier. Embarrassingly, the Summit was shunned by Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Jordan and Lebanon's heads of state. The leaders of the former were too busy carrying out America's will in exchange for its generous protection of their heads, which would surely have been severed from their bodies were it not for their powerful benefactors. The Prime Minister of the latter was most likely assassinated on his way to the airport, and the Freedom Brothers can only hope that Hosni Mubarak and King Abdullah were occupied torturing Palestinian extremists in the dungeons of their respective citadels. Nuri al-Maliki obviously wasn't in attendance - as the Freedom Brothers reported earlier this week, he was too busy overseeing the complete liquidation of Mahdi Army forces in Free Basra, Iraq.

The Grizz applauds Heir Assad on his effort to bring a little Truth to the region - up until now, that was a commodity delivered to the people only in the form of bomblets dispersed by Israeli anti-personnel cluster munitions. Unfortunately, considering the mentality of the locals, the Truth hurts whether it comes in the form of a white-hot shard of metal, or in that unintelligible gurgle that is the Arabic language as it spews out from Bashar Assad's stupid face.

America Keeps Kim Jong Il in the Crosshairs as Europeans Bend Over

"Come and get it, Monsieur Chirac."

It was the sixth of September, 2007. Tens, maybe/hopefully hundreds of agents of the Syrian terrorist regime had a cup of coffee, kissed their families goodbye, and drove to work the night shift at a top secret government facility nestled just along the Iraqi border. Arriving, they sat down at their desks and began their day's work - engineering the extermination of the Jewish and American peoples. Around midnight, their minds drifted happily towards their soon coming, hard-earned break. Unfortunately for them, the top guns of the Israeli Air Force were the ones fixing lunch.

A half dozen F-15I's from the 69th Squadron of the IAF gave the workers an early dismissal by way of hellfire. Neither the staff, nor the Syrian Atomic Weapons program survived the attack.

Six months later, details have emerged conclusively linking Kim Jong Il to the Syrians' nefarious mission. It's a fact that North Korean mad scientists in the employ of the Man with the Bad Haircut oversaw the nefarious project step by step. It's unclear what prompted this lunatic to draw up and sign his own death warrant, though surely the Godless communist's association with Islamic fundamentalists can't be inspired by the same theo-apocalyptic delusions of his comrades. Most likely he was offered a few loaves of stale bread, which are nearly impossible to come by inside his concentration camp of a country.

In any event, his motives are beside the point. What matters is that he pay.

And pay he will - so promises Our President George W. Bush. Even as America's "allies" drop their pants and grit their teeth for the demigod of the DPRK, the American Administration gets ready for Round II in the War on Evil and its proxies.

The Europeans are currently ready to sign and seal a treaty/suicide note written on their behalf by the North Korean regime. In it, the Freedom Forces encourage North Korea to take no accountability whatsoever for their previous work developing various doomsday devices, and respectfully request that they eventually cease said activities - if they don't mind.

The United States made it clear. There will be no compromise.

To quote Our Chief Negotiator, Christopher R. Hill, "We won't have a complete and correct declaration until we have a complete and correct declaration," and it says exactly what we want it to say.

The Freedom Brothers encourage Our Administration to hold firm in their demands. Legions of Young Americans are standing behind them as well, ready and willing to die for Global Liberty.