Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Americans and Iraqis Pray for Collapse of Ceasefire and Subsequent Liquidation of Mahdi Army

Major media outlets reported today that Nuri al-Maliki, Prime Minister of Free Iraq, grabbed his Kalashnikov and raced to the front lines of the War on Evil as thousands of valiant Iraqi and Coalition Troops massed in preparation for a decisive battle for the country's - and the world's - future. Iranian trained, sponsored and celebrated Terrorists have taken Americas ever-so-temporary acceptance of their continued existence this side of Paradise as a sign of weakness, and a blank check to carry out their blood-thirsty designs against the will of Basra and Baghdad's citizenry. Now, they're going to pay.

Because the American military has generously trained Iraqi security forces to the highest level of efficiency that would still allow for their utter decimation by the Israeli Defense Forces in a crisis, the Natives are taking the fight to The Enemy almost exclusively. The exceptions are American Special Forces advisers and aircraft, which coordinate to rain an almost constant barrage of hellfire down upon the anti-Iraqi insurgents. Unfortunately, the vast majority of Young Americans down-range are forced to listen to the thunderous battle from a distance, salivating at the thought of getting their own little piece of revenge for 9/11.

Colonel Bill Buckner - no relation to one of American history's most prolific losers - proved that this was "an Iraqi-planned, -led and -executed mission at the direction of the Iraqi prime minister." He claimed that the operations were aimed at crushing "the lawlessness that has been going on under religious or political cover, along with smuggling of oil, weapons, and drugs." Most Americans, however, knew that the battles were mainly focused at weakening Osama bin Laden and his Al-Qaeda henchmen. Colonel Bill also noted that several thousand pinkie-wavers were enjoying tea and scones outside of Basra, ready to sweep in and deliver coup-de-graces to severely wounded, though still breathing foes where necessary. The Grizz, for one, wouldn't mind seeing a few of them swept off for some well-deserved R&R at the tropical prison in Guantanamo.

Americans across the country smiled over their morning cup of joe this morning as they listened to news reports announcing the slaughter of more than 50 blood-soaked Revolutionaries across Iraq by victorious Freedom Forces. The Freedom Brothers pray the so-called "truce" between these Heroes and The Enemy collapses as soon as possible, and that these numbers soon climb to three, then four digits.

5 comments:

4peace said...

death to our enemies!

The Grizz said...

Let's roll.

Fly High,
The Grizz

treebough said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
4peace said...

but those weren't our enemies, they weren't behind 9/11.

perhaps if you think that this was such a success, we can leave.

Freedom Eagle said...

4peace,

Are you saying al Qaeda wasn't in Iraq before 9/11? Because they sure as hell were in New York, Florida, The People's Republic of Canada, and Massachusetts. How could they not have been in Iraq.

The Freedom Brothers believe World War II was a success from the day the first bomb touched Japanese soil, that sure doesn't mean Nagasaki and Hiroshima didn't deserve to be demolished four years later.

We encourage you to turn off Comedy Central and MTV, where you most likely get your news, and stick with The Freedom Brothers. You'll learn something, kid.

Yours in Freedom,
Freedom Eagle