Saturday, March 29, 2008

Bashar Assad Finally Gets It Right

Bashar Assad, squishy-faced president of Syria - the America of Evil - finally blurted out a truthful statement about Israel in between high-fives with other Terrorist Sponsors at today's Arab Summit in Damascus. "Jerusalem has rejected every peace initiative over the last 30 years... [The bastion of modernity, prosperity, equality and morality surrounded by destitute, uneducated masses operating with a Before Christ worldview] is exploiting the internal Palestinian divisions for its own benefit," he sniffled.

He's damn right it is.

Since its scorched-earth campaign and triumph over Arab aggressors in 1967, Israel has justifiably taken advantage of every one of its Enemies' weaknesses - lack of cohesion, lack of benevolent sponsors (such as The United States of America), and simple lack of intelligence. There is no reason that Israelis shouldn't be dancing the hora in the streets every time an Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade revolutionary turns a Hamas suicide bomber into ground pork before he can get shot while trying to cross the Security Wall. That bullet would have cost Israel a fraction of an agorot - a virtually infinite sum when compared to the completely unvalued life it has been dispatched to take.

Unfortunately, a large number of fellow Islamic Extremists weren't on premisis to witness Assad break the Truth barrier. Embarrassingly, the Summit was shunned by Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Jordan and Lebanon's heads of state. The leaders of the former were too busy carrying out America's will in exchange for its generous protection of their heads, which would surely have been severed from their bodies were it not for their powerful benefactors. The Prime Minister of the latter was most likely assassinated on his way to the airport, and the Freedom Brothers can only hope that Hosni Mubarak and King Abdullah were occupied torturing Palestinian extremists in the dungeons of their respective citadels. Nuri al-Maliki obviously wasn't in attendance - as the Freedom Brothers reported earlier this week, he was too busy overseeing the complete liquidation of Mahdi Army forces in Free Basra, Iraq.

The Grizz applauds Heir Assad on his effort to bring a little Truth to the region - up until now, that was a commodity delivered to the people only in the form of bomblets dispersed by Israeli anti-personnel cluster munitions. Unfortunately, considering the mentality of the locals, the Truth hurts whether it comes in the form of a white-hot shard of metal, or in that unintelligible gurgle that is the Arabic language as it spews out from Bashar Assad's stupid face.

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