Paultards Retreat To Mom's Basement

Victories are few and far between for the pro-America wing of this country.

But we’ll take what we can get. The Freedom Brothers now know we can’t stop liberals and their allies in the shadows of government from stealing elections (6 Senate seats and counting), but the Republican party is stronger today than it has been in months. The reason: Squirrelly-faced Ron Paul and his diaper-sporting America-last haters have been successfully marginalized.

Eliminated.

Ron Paul is just some frail old conspiracist who (let’s refresh) believes the following:

• Your President – President Bush – personally controlled all four aircraft on 9/11, crashing two into New York City buildings, one into the Pentagon, and one into a field in Pennsylvania, murdering 3,000 of his own citizens using a remote control joystick.

• FDR was in cahoots with international Jewish bankers before World War II and diabolically planned out the World War with Hitler at his side.

• There are beings living amongst us known as “Reptilian Humanoids” who are – literally – half man, half reptile. These creatures have penetrated our government in the form of elite Republicans and are originally from outer space.

• Ayn Rand was half-woman, half God.

• Non-Rand religion – such as Christianity and Judaism – is a farce.

• John F. Kennedy was killed by the CIA, Lyndon Johnson, and Richard Nixon.

• Drugs, prostitution, illegal Mexicans, and terrorism should be legalized.

• Al Qaeda does not exist.

There was a time when Ron Paul’s followers – Paultards – used to spam Honorable Republican websites like Little Green Footballs, RedState, and The Freedom Brothers, pushing their hatist stances because they somehow thought their little troll could steal enough votes to get past the Washington primary. But they were wrong. And now they’ve gone back to doing what they know best: Bong hits in Mom’s basement.

“I’ll re-heat my dinner later, Ma, I only need three more shields of Ravenloft to beat Vecna!”

“When are you going to get a job, son? You're 40.”

There was a time when the only dragons (goblins) were the filth who paraded city streets with signs that traitorously read, “Re-investigate 9/11,” and the only dungeons were the molded keyless cells these freaks belonged in.

These knuckleheads have done everything from smashing windows to flipping and then burning police cars all in the name of Ron Paul and his trusted side-kick radio host Alex Jones, whose online documentaries have been viewed by our enemies time and again.

Ho Chi Minh and the NVA knew college dropouts and other losers would march during the 60s and 70s in the name of losing the Liberation of South Vietnam. But Al Qaeda has something Uncle Ho never did: Americans who actually don’t think they exist. It’s much easier to murder American soldiers in cold blood when groups of American homefronters think their own government is the enemy; the real terrorists. Not even Noam Chomsky is that radical, and he falsely believes Ronald Reagan wasn’t Our Country’s Greatest President.

The Freedom Brothers believe that fascists like Ron Paul’s idiocracy and B. Hussein’s Disney Worlders should just come out and say they agree with the terrorists. It would make this whole “Patriot Act” and “Guantanamo Bay” thing a heckuva lot easier.