Hussein Obama Promises to Stand Up to Islamic Terrorists, Who He Doesn't Believe Exist

Obama's High School Class

American Hero and Future-President John McCain took a break from haunting the dreams of a generation of Vietnamese communists Wednesday, as he humiliated wet blanket Barack Hussein for his slinky-like stance on Al-Qaeda and the liquidation thereof. McCain's verbal smackdown came in response to his adversary's incoherent assertion that he is the leader of Al-Qaeda, and that the American people want to abandon the people of Iraq as soon as logistically possible.

Hussein seems to be getting overly excited as his stock rises in the stoned-out college student and barely-legal immigrant demographics. Still, just because he isn't an Alter-to-Satan lunatic like fellow democrat Bill Clinton's Wife, doesn't mean that he's any more qualified to rule the free world than her. Luckily, the American people won't be duped by these baseless character assassination ploys launched by liberal hatists. And, after years of such ruthless attacks by America's enemy within, the Republican Movement has become highly skilled at detecting and discrediting such campaigns.

The American people have unanimously agreed to take the War to the Islamic terrorists raping, pillaging and burning their way from Sea to Shining Sea, and even the most deluded left-winger knows that we need a man's man in the captain's seat. It's a proven fact that John McCain has as high a body count as any other member of congress; Obama, on the other hand, has not even a single notch in his rifle stock.

Who do you want leading the War on Evil? A proven coward of dubious character with questionable allegiance to his flag; or a stone-cold killer who's been searching for and destroying America's Enemies since the first day of his adult life?

Straw: Britain Not An Islamic State, Seeks to Become More American

Jack Straw, the United Kingdom's Lord Chancellor (whatever that is), has said that Britain will not submit itself to foreign Islamic law. This apocalyptic scenario was suggested by fringe maniac Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams, who should become an Imam and move to Western Pakistan if he's so interested in living in a twisted, bizzaro-values outpost of civilization.

In hopes of shutting down the delusion that England would be the next Kabul or Lagos without provoking widespread terror and disorder, Straw pointed out that British legal system already made accommodations to minorities’ specific needs. He cited the 1996 Arbitration Act, which allows Orthodox Jews and other communities to work together with lawmakers in order to set up a mutually acceptable framework for their special civil needs. While the number of beheadings, hand-severings, temporary-marriage rapes and female genital mutilations carried out by Hassidim seem to be somewhat lower than those by Muslims, his example is well taken.

Straw made another excellent point during his remarks, which came at George Washington University, in Our Nation’s Capital. Implying that he believes the United States to be the most politically advanced nation on the planet, he stated that the United Kingdom should become more American and adopt a Bill of Rights, which will be the first step in bringing his nation forward into the 21st Century. While this announcement comes more than two and a quarter centuries after his countrymen were vanquished and Americans developed their own, it is still a welcome development.

The Freedom Brothers offer their encouragement to Jack Straw as he leads his country to an even higher standard of Freedom. Simultaneously, we’re breathing a deep sigh of relief to hear that the British won’t be taking the completely converse action – returning themselves to a state of primal law, governed by the will cavemen.

London 2009?