Patrick Leahy Tells Bill Clinton's Wife to Destroy Self for Sake of Party

"I'm sorry I betrayed you, son."

Patrick Leahy, a democrat senator from left-wing stoner bastion Vermont, has fueled speculation that Bill Clinton's Wife has an imminently scheduled shopping spree at Sacks Fifth Avenue by demanding today that she drop her Presidential bid immediately. While the Freedom Brothers have concluded that the pleasure of watching the complete implosion of the democrat party is more satisfying than an immediate cessation of Mrs. Clinton's career, any possible course of action on her part is good enough, considering the prolific thrashing that John McCain will definitely hand to B. Hussein Obama in November's general election.

Leahy told NPR, "There is no way that Senator Clinton is going to win enough delegates to get the nomination. She ought to withdraw, and she ought to be backing Senator Obama." He added that War Hero and Future-President McCain, "has been making one gaffe after another [and] is getting a free ride."

Are you referring to the ridicule Senator McCain has faced from the liberal media in response to his correct assertion that there is some heavy-petting going on between bin Laden and little man? Is it his working-man's explanation of the housing crisis? Is it his promise to benevolently shephard Free Iraq back from the Gates of Hell, even if it takes a century and five million Iraqi and - more importantly - American lives to do it?

Put down the joint Leahy.

John McCain has more knowledge and experience in the bump in his face than you have in your entire head. He picked this up the hard way: suffering for 1,889 days in a Viet Cong dungeon while you and Jerry Garcia were giving peace a chance at a San Francisco sit in. Unfortunately, the American people won't be fooled, regardless of whether Bill Clinton's Wife takes your advice or not. On November 4th, 2008, you'll be wiping the snot from Barack Obama's nose while the Freedom Brothers (responsibly) sip champagne in celebration of President John McCain's triumphant rise to the top.

Bill Clinton's Wife Frantically Tries to Extricate Sex Criminal Elliot Spitzer from Her Legacy

Elephant in the corner? How about Mount Kilimanjaro in the Port-A-San.

No thanks to the liberal-slanted media, every half-wit on God's Green Earth knows that already-disgraced, imminently-indicted sex criminal Elliot Spitzer spent most of his career cuddled up in bed, whispering sweet nothings into Bill Clinton's Wife's ear. Now, she's is in the basement of her Chappaqua mansion with her apron on, frantically trying to scrub out the stains from her satin sheets. Luckily for her, CNN, MSNBC and Air America are too busy trying to discredit The Troops with their latest manufactured scandal to focus on her blood-brother's felonious, hypocritical indiscretions.

The Future Ex-Governor's doomsday couldn't have come at a better time for America. Recently, his leftist agenda has been advancing more rapidly than ever before - especially when it came to assisting illegal immigrants as they swarm locust-like across Our Nation's sovereign borders. He and the Clinton Crime Mob have worked closely together to provide government-issued identification to these criminals, and were it not for the total disintegration of his career and family life, he'd probably have the New York State DMV offering free flight-training and handing out box-cutters by the close of 2008.

In May, Spitzer became one of the dnc's first political agents to swear his allegiance to Bill Clinton, Bill Clinton's Wife, and their collaborative campaign to take over America. He enthusiastically supported her, praising her for "her charisma, courage and guts." Ironically, the support was not mutual. Mrs. Clinton scorned him during the 2006 gubernatorial primary, most likely because of his (now discredited) crusade against the same political corruption that's made her wildly rich and fantastically powerful.

Now, Spitzer doesn't have to worry about his pesky responsibilities anymore. He can drive around all night long, picking up all the gutter-dwelling streetwalkers he can find. That inconvenient family won't get in the way anymore either. Whatever integrity his wife has left after he dishonored her can only be saved if she leaves him - and soon.

The Grizz is known to hate many things, places and people, but New York's deeply corrupt democrat establishment is at the top of his list. He and Freedom Eagle will surely cherish this charade as it unfolds in weeks to come.

Hayden: Guantanamo Bay Is Not a Day Spa for Mujahadeen

"So what you're telling me is that I can't call Time Out? No fair!"

Most liberals would rather watch paramedics stack corpses from the latest Washington, D.C. suicide bombing than hear that a caveman trying to kill The Troops in Iraq got anything worse than a hot stone massage and steak dinner. Fortunately, this sentiment is not shared by CIA Director, General and All-American Hero Michael Hayden, who confirmed yesterday that the CIA would continue to make Terrorists endure such hardships as sleeping with the lights on, getting lap-dances from female Marines, and sitting Indian-style for a really long time.

The CIA has come under pressure from such left-wing fringists as Code Pink, George Clooney, and Hamas for the "harsh" tactics it uses to avenge 9/11 and obtain actionable intelligence from Al-Qaeda operatives. Of specific concern to these parties is the purported use of waterboarding, which involves making a Terrorist lie down and drink water at the same time. Maybe they should spend less time mommying Khalid Sheikh Mohammad, and more time mommying their own kids, who, instead of joining Our Military and fighting for their country, are probably trying to drown themselves with beer in some filthy cesspool in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

General Hayden responded to one particular criticism frequently cited by liberals; American intelligence agencies do not follow the specific restrictions set forth by the U.S. Army Interrogation Field Manual. Hayden kept his point simple, so even burnt-out, emotionally-shattered freaks like Cindy Sheehan could get the message: "The Army field manual does not exhaust the universe of lawful interrogation techniques." In a rush to get back to his work Defending the Freedom of every hard-working American, he didn't waste time clarifying the U.S. Army's policy of turning insurgents into scrapple with .50 caliber machine guns.

The Freedom Brothers laud General Hayden and Our President George W. Bush for their willingness to get their hands a little dirty when it comes to fighting the War for Freedom. We urge all Americans to trust their leaders, who know best when it comes to protecting, interpreting and enforcing their Rights as citizens of the world's freest country.

Dennis Kucinich Teeters on the Brink of Disaster

The Washington Post reports that Dennis Kucinich, the bug-eyed multi-election losing freak, is dangling at the edge of a precipice. His attention has turned away from his recent high-visibility failure to earn the democrat presidential nomination. Now, he’s focused on saving his career. A fresh faced, thirty-something hotshot city councilman is challenging him for his seat in the House of Representatives in Ohio’s upcoming primary. Things are not looking good.

Kucinich, most famous for his corpse-like appearance and extra bizarre marriage to a woman a fraction of his age, hasn’t faced a serious threat of being ousted since his election in 1996. He has grown increasingly unpopular in his Cleveland-based district, largely due to the fact that he’s treated it as nothing more than his personal launch pad to super-stardom. For years, he’s relied on his sham working-class credentials to lie his way through every election. Sadly, it duped a large part of his simple Midwestern constituency.

It’s a proven fact that he misses more than one in ten votes in congress. Worse still, he seems to be moving closer to the Socialist fringe of the democrat party, operating on a two-point agenda: desecration of The Fallen and delivery of a gift-wrapped Free Iraq to Satan in Hell. Even Cimperman, a rumored homosexual, got it right, when he pointed out that Kucinich hated his roots and spent time “eating sushi with Sean Penn,” – another radical left-winger.

Just what kind of man he is can be seen by the type of people that comprise his fan club. He’s received considerably financial support from a marijuana legalization PAC, several grade-D Hollywood castoffs, and most curiously, the pornographer Larry Flynt, who’s primary interest is probably getting Kucinich’s harlot wife to drop her knickers on camera.

Luckily, personal ruin has got Dennis Kucinich’s scent and is coming at full gallop. He’ll have plenty of time to enjoy the comforts of his wife’s tongue ring when the American People throw him on the streets this Tuesday.

Unleash Hell: Americans Call for War

Americans from sea to shining sea watched in horror yesterday as a Serbian government-incited lynch mob rampaged through its capital and burned their embassy to the ground. The local police force stood by and watched as the animals ran free. Luckily, one drunken fool managed to kill himself in the inferno. That's God's Will if the Grizz has ever seen it.

Many people across our country asked themselves: "Who are these people? Why do they, who live in some place I've never heard of, hate me so?" Then they remembered that the do know Belgrade. "Wasn't that the first European city since the 1940's that The Troops had to wipe off the face of the earth with the heavy hand of American justice?"

Yes it was.

Throughout the 1990's, Serbia was the fortress of genocidal hell-hound Slobodan Milosevic, who sowed terror far and wide across the majestic landscape of the former Yugoslavia. The Serbian people worshipped him like a God, enthusiastically heeding his call to arms and revelling in the indiscriminate slaughter of untold numbers of his neighbors. His reign ended with his death-by-disease in a festering dungeon, his country in ruins (as deserved).

A week ago, Kosovo - a miniscule nation that barely survived his Nazi-like onslaught on courage alone - Declared Their Independence, joining the ever expanding belt of Freedom that stretches from Fairbanks, Alaska to Baghdad, Iraq. Serbians went wild with rage, swearing that they would end the climate of American-bestowed peace they enjoy, and take the region back to 1999. They seem to have forgotten how the United States celebrated Christmas that year.

Apparently, the Serbians haven't had enough. They think that by destroying a material object, they can destroy the will of the American people. They're wrong.

Dead wrong.

The Freedom Brothers say: "Let's roll." If we're lucky, maybe we'll be able to get another sucker punch in on the Chinese.

Let's Celebrate

WANTED: Preferably Dead

Freedom lovers across the nation are putting on their sleeveless t-shirts, buying all the Banana Daiquiri mix they can afford and booking the next flight to Miami. It's the party of the century in the Magic City.

Fidel Castro is through.

Media outlets across the world are confirming that Cuba's Terrorist-in-Chief has stepped down. He made the announcement in a letter, stating that he is unable to simultaneously subjugate the Cuban people and adequately contemplate his impending death in solitude. Cubans rejoiced regardless of where they dwell - be it the global bastion of Freedom, the United States, or the comparative prison of Havana. It is probable that the only humanoid inhabitants of the Caribean Isle that won't be breaking out any cigars are those incarcerated in the tropical prison at Guantanamo.

While the struggle for Liberation continues against Mrs. Castro's other boy, Raul, the surrender and soon-coming demise of the decrepit loser Fidel has to be seen as the latest step in American Progress; a victory for every citizen, and especially Our President George W. Bush. Until its own Independence Day comes, Occupied Cuba remains the only Communist nation in the Northwestern Hemisphere. Canada doesn't count.

To the Free Cuban People: We will fight with you for your Freedom tomorrow, just as we celebrate your victory with you today.

Freedom Isn't Free: Israelis Settle Tab, Arab Barbarian Paid in Full

News outlets around the world are buzzing about terrorist Imad Mughniyah. Apparently, the four-eyed fatso bought a first class ticket on a carbomb to hell yesterday. Rumor has it that he was flying El Al. The Freedom Brothers hope that when he arrives at his destination, he says hello to Heath Ledger for us.

Mughniyah was responsible for a laundry list of savage acts of terror perpetrated across the planet. His greatest hits include the 1983 car bombing that killed 241 U.S. Marines trying to subdue the degenerate population of Lebanon, the two Hezbollah Jewish Community Center suicide bombings in Buenos Aires, the cold-blooded hijacking/murder on TWA Flight 847 - the list goes on. Unfortunately, true justice could only be achieved were he resurrected and brutally killed again and again.

Currently, the heroes who carried out a little Hezbollah house cleaning yesterday are staying modest. We see the Israelis blushing, but at the same time they're giving a wink and a nod to American intelligence. The Grizz, for one, hopes that everybody got to have a little fun. Maybe next time they'll invite him along.

SIDENOTE: We just heard the news that American hero, Our Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates slipped on ice yesterday and broke his shoulder. Both Freedom Eagle and the Grizz wish him a speedy recovery. We hope he's recuperated and back terminating America's enemies as soon as possible.