Kennedy To Cover Up Murder, Rape, Lies in Book Form

Ted Kennedy is scheduled to publish his lies in hardcover by 2010.

Boston.com says that Teddy Kennedy has agreed to a deal with Hachette Book Group worth at least $8 million to pen his supposed memoirs.

The book will cover his brother’s three flawed years in office, the assassinations of his brothers, and “later events.” There is no word on whether Kennedy will again lie about the time he murdered that girl by driving off a bridge drunk, saving himself, leaving her for dead, and not calling the police to report the incident until the next morning, when her body was thoroughly drenched in Edgartown Harbor’s salty waters.

Nor has it been disclosed if the black sheep of the already degenerate Kennedy family will mention his numerous affairs or the time he, his son, and his nephew drank themselves silly, which ended in the accused rape of Patricia Bowman by William Kennedy Smith.

Kennedy, unaware that he alone began the steady decline of the democrat Party from the days of Roosevelt and Truman to the slimy puddle of clay it has become, did not mention if his ghostwriter would bring up the fact that Ted should have retired in 1969, and instead took his angst out on the American people with his flip-flopping liberalism and Godless anti-values.

Kennedy, unavailable for direct comment to The Freedom Brothers, said in a statement, "I hope my reflections can contribute to a deeper understanding of many events in the history of this great country and to a more in-depth picture of an American family."